Comparisons

I find I spend too much time comparing myself to others.
It is often the downfall of us women.. We analyze, overlook, criticize, and undertake.
It's this idea of perfection.. We've been told over and over again that's what we're seeking for: to be perfect, like unto God. Yet it is unattainable state of being.
Christ was the only perfect one.
And even though I know that, perfectionism still surges through my veins.
Each day I strive for that peak.
Each day I am disappointed.
And much of that disappointment comes from my tendency to compare..
That girl is more beautiful, that one is more talented, that one gets more attention from guys, that one doesn't have as many faults as I do.. She is smarter, she is more spiritual, she has a prettier smile, she has nicer clothes..
and there I am.
Left in the dust.
The dust of all these incredible people before me, who I wish day after day that I could become! Day after day after day, wondering and wishing what life would be like if I was good enough..
And so I put myself into a little box. A box all of my own where I try to see the good in me. A box where I consider- hey, I can play the piano, I have pretty eyes, I'm creative!
And it is in there, in my little box, where I remember Maren.
Miss Maren Lee, created just to be me.

But eventually I have to come out of the box and return to the world of comparisons..
The world where one product compares itself to its competitor.
Where billions of athletes compete against each other, all striving for that title of world champion!
Where girls walk down the streets of Provo in their mini skirts, hoping to be noticed, living to be compared.

And then the comparisons turn into Judgements.
The vileness of it.
In order to elevate our own dwindling confidence, we turn the biting pain of our own self criticism to those around us.
We look at others and try to find their faults in an attempt to make ours disappear...

But they never do.
And the result is a world of boxes.

Boxes where we spend so much time resolving our fears then breaking down others that the world is crumbling..
No wonder the morals of our world are being lost.

In the meantime, at least I can still find some beauty in it.

 

 

living in a box

 

miss maren lee