Caught In-Between a Lie (or two..)

Have you ever met a pathological liar?
If you've met them, you probably didn't even know.
Have you ever KNOWN a pathological liar?
If you have, I sympathize.

The sad thing is, you don't even realize the lies until you're in way too deep.
And then you realize that its gotten to the point that they don't even know where the lies lie and where reality lives..
So what do you do?

Do you continue to support them, and just encourage them in their lies?
Do you confront them, tell them: "I've supported you all these years, but I don't actually believe you."
Do you ignore them and just let them drop out of your life?
Do you let their lies continue to manipulate you, as they have all these years..

I've never been physically bullied, but I realize I've been emotionally bullied.

and yet, its in my nature! All I want to do is help, and fix, and make things better!
But I have to learn that there are things that are out of my control.
I have to figure out how to cope with that too.

And yet, you still love them. You care for them.
Even after all the damage...

I'm sitting here in my favorite chair by the window, watching people's lives go by. In cars, on bikes, running here, walking there. Some with people, some alone..
Its a world of networks. We all connect in some way, and each new person we meet has an impact on us, even in the smallest of matters.

Be careful what impact you make on the world.
Be careful with the networks you come in contact with.
Strive to build them up!
Not break them down...

You wouldn't want to be broken, would you?

life lessons

 

from miss maren lee

Bleeding Blue

 

Its been a rough week.

My car got towed (with a fine of $221)

I failed a test..

BYU Lost the game!

My computer broke down for two days (conveniently right before I had an 8 page essay due)

and a grounds worker dented and scratched my car with a lawnmower..

 

There were some highlights as well.

I finally found a nearby piano to play on! Its been a while..

Had tons of fun at the game with my roommates! Plus Edison :)

Made some new friends, started talking to some old ones again :)

Got assigned coloring for homework!

Went to my first college football game :)

and I retook the test and passed it :P

 

Here's some fun from the game! :)

 

 

 

 

 

this last one is actually from the Texas game last week with the storm rolling in from the huge flash flood! We got soaked, then wimped out and went home!

 

next week we have midterms, so that should be interesting..

I could use a little pick me up.

 

a tad exhausted

 

miss maren lee

Comparisons

I find I spend too much time comparing myself to others.
It is often the downfall of us women.. We analyze, overlook, criticize, and undertake.
It's this idea of perfection.. We've been told over and over again that's what we're seeking for: to be perfect, like unto God. Yet it is unattainable state of being.
Christ was the only perfect one.
And even though I know that, perfectionism still surges through my veins.
Each day I strive for that peak.
Each day I am disappointed.
And much of that disappointment comes from my tendency to compare..
That girl is more beautiful, that one is more talented, that one gets more attention from guys, that one doesn't have as many faults as I do.. She is smarter, she is more spiritual, she has a prettier smile, she has nicer clothes..
and there I am.
Left in the dust.
The dust of all these incredible people before me, who I wish day after day that I could become! Day after day after day, wondering and wishing what life would be like if I was good enough..
And so I put myself into a little box. A box all of my own where I try to see the good in me. A box where I consider- hey, I can play the piano, I have pretty eyes, I'm creative!
And it is in there, in my little box, where I remember Maren.
Miss Maren Lee, created just to be me.

But eventually I have to come out of the box and return to the world of comparisons..
The world where one product compares itself to its competitor.
Where billions of athletes compete against each other, all striving for that title of world champion!
Where girls walk down the streets of Provo in their mini skirts, hoping to be noticed, living to be compared.

And then the comparisons turn into Judgements.
The vileness of it.
In order to elevate our own dwindling confidence, we turn the biting pain of our own self criticism to those around us.
We look at others and try to find their faults in an attempt to make ours disappear...

But they never do.
And the result is a world of boxes.

Boxes where we spend so much time resolving our fears then breaking down others that the world is crumbling..
No wonder the morals of our world are being lost.

In the meantime, at least I can still find some beauty in it.

 

 

living in a box

 

miss maren lee



Here's to the Future.

Well.
Welcome to September.
First day of Fall term here at BYU! I had a real tough class this morning: Flexibility. :)
I cant believe it though, my real college life is about to set in.
I feel so little, a tiny freshman in a sea of upperclassmen, professors, and professionals.. I mean, I don't even look old enough to be in college to begin with. So everyone looks at me like this naïve little kid who just happens to be on the same campus as them..

On the other hand, it was great being able to spend these last two weeks with my family. They're so unique. :P
This weekend we went up to Island Park Idaho to spend some time at the ranch. Its just so peaceful and isolated out there. My grandparents are working on a new cabin for the whole family. Its huge! And I can tell its going to be absolutely gorgeous.
We ended up going to a visitors ward on Sunday. I expected there to be max-20 people... I mean, Island Park is not a huge place. Its basically scattered ranches for a couple miles..
There were almost 2000!! Its the craziest thing I've ever seen. To add to that, it was testimony meeting. A ton of people got up and bore their testimonies to complete strangers.
It was pretty impressive.

So I'm back at BYU. Who knows where this crazy new life will lead me.

 

These are just some fun shots from a little bike-ride/photo-shoot while I was at home.

I just love Medford. :)

I wont be home again til Christmas..

I cannot wait for Fall weather!! Most my clothes are meant for chilly mornings and rainy afternoons.

anyways.. 

 

hoping for the best

 

miss maren lee.